My life, a life full of lies
by Scarlett-Leenalee
Summary: Ths is my first translation, i am sorry for the mistakes, spoilers, just Allen s thoughts


Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray man, because if I did many things would be different, mostly from the anime

This my first fanfic in English, this is a translation of my original work…

Please, be nice, remember that there is a person with feelings behind this…

Allen is a little OCC, although many people said he isn't

I was born without knowing love, I grew up thinking somebody cared about me, that I was loved when it was all a lie, but know I realized that it all was only that…

…a lie…

Who am I?

I don't know, no, I don't know anymore…

Why?

Why it has to be me?

I don't know it either, the prophecy says I am the destructor, but…

The destructor of what?

I feel my life isn't the same as before, things have changed…

Everything Mana did, was it all planned?

Was my life planned since the very beginning?

Everything?

Every little thing?

Since the day my parents abandoned me for my supposed deformity, my innocence (the only thing I really know) until I met you Mana… All the time together, until the end, was it all planed? When you said you loved me, was it true? Or was it just a lie? Another one…

Another lie in my life, a truth I didn't know, something they hid from me…

The fourteenth, who is he? The only thing I know is that he was, on some moment, my uncle, but know, who is he? What will happen to me? Nobody knows, or that is what they say, they are all afraid, I was forced to tell my friends if something might happen, they would have to take my life away, or what's left of it. Leverrier, that monster, he never trusted in me, nor he will ever, I am being controlled by Link, a little gift he has left me. Surely he, Leverrier, must be waiting for mi death, his objectives are so egoistical, who could kill a boy only to try to get an exorcist? Thousands of kids died because of this, I can see them, they tell me their stories of pain and suffering, sometimes I think they are the only ones that understand me…

Mi curse, I have it since the day I tried to revive my father, since the day everything started, when I met the Earl, who would think everything started with the death? My curse is what prevents me of losing my conscience and what drives me crazy at the same time. Thousands of souls suffering, all asking for help, level one, level two, level three, all those souls ask for my help, I am capable of giving my life for them. I, solemnly, have sworn, my right hand for the humans and my left hand for the akumas.

I have never thought my curse would let me see my inverted reflection of myself, that she wouldn't let me sleep many uninterruptedly nights, that she would show me akumas that were many miles away from me. I still use this word, I should correct myself, my eye isn't cursed, this is only a gift, the last one from my father.

The only thing I can say I really know is, my innocence, I have it since I was born, it has always been with me and has saved me million times, when I revived my father, when Tyki tried to kill me, among many others. I am very sorry about that time when I lost it, it was because I didn't know it, although I could take many surprises now too, I never thought my innocence could be the Heart, but, who knows?

My Master, that person who taught me most of the things, that person who made my life a living hell, that person who I once "admired", another one who hid from me truths, I really don't know my Master, or what was he, because he is not in this world anymore. But… I don't believe his death, others do, but I don't because it could be one of his plans…

Things are getting darker, since I could play that melody in the piano, that melody I knew, that melody we created one day, Mana and me without a purpose, only for have fun. Why could I read those strange scripts? I don't know.. Every time I look at myself in the mirror I can't see myself, I see the fourteenth, I am afraid that someday I will look at myself and see my reflection, but as a Noah.

The gates I can open, they are also part of the fourteenth's power, they are very easy to do, I don't even need to know the place, but I haven't tell this to anyone, I wouldn't want to know or see their expressions, I don't want to create another trouble for them.. They already have a lot…

Toc toc, someone knocks the door of my room, it's Lenalee, I know, I can feel her and her innocence… She, with only her presence can erase all my problems, at least when she is close to me…

I open the door, she smiles at me and hugs me, asks me if I'm alright, I tell her to come in, we sit on my bed, she arranges herself between my arms and tells me I´m cold, I already know that, I just want to feel her warmth, I want to feel some love, I know she would never lie to me. When I look at her (again) I take a little surprise, she is asleep, her chest goes up and down, her breathing is calm, I look at her once more, Lenalee is so beautiful, one couldn't believe she has been thru many things and is still able to laugh, I'd like to be like her sometimes. The room is quiet, only you and me, I feel all my problems fade away, even though they are still inside me…

My doubts are still here…

I don't know who I am anymore, the Destructor of Time, the rescuer, the fourteenth, the host for the fourteenth, an exorcist who has become a general…

The truth is, I don't care anymore, I am only a living corpse, waiting for the death, a death that will never arrive…

This is my first translation, so please be nice, I know I used many times the word she, but I wanted to do it.. I hope you like it


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